Supposed Confessions of A Sensitive Mind
by Handful of Silence
Summary: Despite being the youngest officer in Starfleet, Chekov still knows very little of love or how to deal with it, and so needs a little help from those who know him best.


**Supposed Confessions of a Sensitive Mind**

_Scarce outward signs of joy arise,  
Because the Spirit of happiness  
And perfect rest so inward is;  
And loveth so his innocent heart: Tennyson_

Summary: It only takes one small question for Chekov to realise he's in love with his best friend, but despite being the youngest officer in Starfleet, Chekov still knows very little of love or how to deal with it, and so needs a little help from those who know him best.

Pairings: Sulu/Chekov, slight Spock/Uhura

_Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will. Don't revel in my misery. _

**Scotty**

"Scotty?" Chekov asked the engineer one night, when they were down in one of the cargo holds, playing poker and comparing national alcohols "Scotty, vhat is love?"

"I hope that wasn't an attempt at flirting, Mr Chekov" Scotty joked, looking up from dealing out the cards, "If it is, you've got the wrong sort of guy"

Chekov coloured, shaking his head, but nonetheless continued, running his fingers around the sides of his glass, half filled with vodka.

"No, Scotty… but I would like to know. Vhat is love?"

"Got yer eye on someone, laddie?" Scotty teased, seeing Chekov blush further and avert his eyes from the Scotsman's "Ah well, it's good if ye do. Love is a good thing, to be treasured like a rare scotch."

"But what does it feel like?" Chekov pressed, the cards in his hands forgotten, his eyes intently fixed on his friend "How do you know if you are in love?"

"You just know" Scotty said, smiling at the younger man "I cannae tell you, you have to feel it for yourself" the Scotsman picked up a bottle of whiskey from where it was stood by his feet "Now, laddie, try summa' this. This'll put hairs on yer chest"

Chekov poured some into his glass, and swallowed the first of many glasses to come that night, cringing as he felt it burn the sides of his throat. But although everything gradually became hazier and less noticeable, Chekov didn't forget one word of what the chief engineer had told him.

**Spock**

It was by chance that Spock found himself sharing a turbo lift with Chekov. The ensign seemed to be troubled with something and since it was Spock's duty to notice the health of the junior officers under his command, he decided to enquire into Chekov's preoccupation.

"Is there something bothering you, Mr Chekov"

The ensign looked up, surprised that the first officer had even talked to him.

"No, Mr Spock. I vas just vondering about something"

"Anything that I could be of service with?" It wasn't usually common for Spock to offer his help, but he had got to know Chekov's moods through their bridge shifts, and he knew that this sort of preoccupation was very uncommon when it came to the smiling talkative Russian

Chekov paused "Actually, Mr Spock, you may be able to help, if zhat is OK"

It seemed almost a question and Spock almost smiled at the youth's innocence. People like him were very few and far between on a starship and although Chekov showed his heart on his sleeve, Spock found that a more agreeable trait then others that humans seemed to possess, such as excess drinking and promiscuity, both which the captain indulged in. Not that he took particular interest in what Kirk got up to.

"You have yet to tell me the nature of your query, ensign"

"Since you are Wulcan" Chekov chose his words carefully not wanting to accidentally insult the officer "you are able to control your emotions, da?"

"That is correct" Spock said, wondering where this query would lead

"Is zis practice, something a human could learn?"

Spock looked at Chekov surprised. He'd always thought of the younger officer as being a very emotional human, both due to his age and the hormones that were undoubtedly in effect, and due also to his very nature of being enthusiastic and curious, always ready with a question and a smile. He didn't understand why Chekov saw a need to exercise control over his emotions. As a human, they made up a significant part of who he was.

"May I enquire into the reasons behind your questioning?" Spock asked. The Russian seemed to lose his nerve for a moment.

"It is just…" Chekov righted himself "I am experiencing some …uncomfortable new emotions and I wish to be able to control zem"

"What are these new emotions of which you speak?"

"Love" Chekov said in almost a whisper. "I am experiencing feelings of…. attraction towards…." He paused, unsure of how much to tell his superior officer. It wasn't as thought they talked much in any other capacity then as colleagues "…a friend and I do not wish to lose their friendship."

"Sometimes," Spock said, speaking carefully and thinking about what he was saying. As a Vulcan, he would have naturally supported a human in a quest for control and logic over raw emotions, but as a half human, he understood the effect of locking out one's feelings "Sometimes, ensign, it is best not to try at all. Control is not always necessary"

It was Chekov's turn to be surprised at Spock's reply, which seemed to be a response he would have expected from a human, not a Vulcan.

"Vhy is zhat?"

"Because some emotions," Spock said, now speaking from experience, thinking of Nyota as he advised the Russian "like love are not meant to be blocked out. They have to be lived with, and if possible, acted upon"

Chekov nodded but did not reply, clearly thinking about what Spock had said. The two did not speak again as the turbo lift doors opened and Spock exited, walking towards his quarters, but the Vulcan heard Chekov thank him quietly before the doors closed in front of him.

**Kirk**

It was late at night on the Enterprise, and as Kirk looked around at the sparsely occupied rec-room, comprised mostly of a few couples having a quiet drink, he was surprised to see Chekov, sitting alone in the corner of the room, nursing what looked like vodka in a very much Bones-type manner; all sullen and pensive.

"Mind if I join you?" Kirk walked over to the Russians table, the question seeming to jolt Chekov out of his reverie. The young man smiled sheepishly as Kirk sat down on the chair opposite.

"Not at all, Keptin"

"Please Chekov" Kirk gave his trademark grin "we've known each other long enough. It's Jim."

Chekov gave a small smile "OK…Jim" His accent made Kirk's name sound like 'jeem', but the captain didn't comment, as he usually would have. A silence settled across the table, as neither man could think of what to say. They had never really talked on a one-to-one basis outside of the Bridge.

"Where's Sulu tonight?" Jim asked, looking around for the elusive helmsman "you're both usually in here, talking away with each other."

"He is on date vith yeoman from security" Chekov said, the tone in his voice making it very clear to Kirk that he did not like the fact. "So…" Chekov said, grasping for a conversation starter to break the silence. He'd been quite happy being silent on his own, but with company, especially ones superior officer, it could be considered rude. "You are not here vith Doctor McCoy tonight?"

"Na" Kirk replied, taking a swig of his sythehol "He had paperwork so I left him at it. Otherwise he'd been complaining about it all night. I'm too much of a distraction apparently" Kirk smiled at Chekov "Anyway, it's probably a good thing. You looked like you needed the company."

Chekov nodded, but said nothing else, staring off with the same worried look on his face as before. Kirk decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he ventured. Chekov flushed pink at being caught staring into space.

"Nyet, nyet" he replied, going pinker every second "Eet is nothing"

"No come on" Kirk probed, trying to get more information out of the youth. "Something's bothering to you. You can tell me, what is it?"

Chekov sighed, before taking a gulp of his vodka. It looked like he needed a drink "Captain, do you zink age matters?"

"I don't see why it should" Kirk said thoughtfully, studying the ensign "Why?"

"Zhere are so many things zhat I want to be able to do" Chekov said, softly, staring into the bottom of his glass "but all people see is just a stupid little kid"

"You aren't a stupid little kid, Pavel" Jim said.

"But I _know _zhat is what people see" Chekov insisted "And I hate it. I can't even try to ask someone out because do you know what they'll say? Sorry, Pavel, you're sweet but too young." Chekov paused, a hint of melancholy in his voice "and then zhey will go off and go out vith someone else, vhile I can do nothing"

Kirk suddenly saw what this was about "You wanted to ask Sulu, didn't you?" The look in the ensigns' eyes was enough to convince him of the answer. "Chek…Pavel" Jim said seriously, looking at the Russian "Pavel, Sulu doesn't see you as just some kid. You're his best friend, you should know"

"Do you zink?" Chekov said, looking at Jim cautiously

"I know" Jim took another drink of his sythehol "Pavel, there's always going to be points in our lives when our age stops us from getting what we want. I was too young to become a captain of a starship never mind the enterprise, but it happened. Anyway, you've never been just a kid. You always prove everyone wrong when they believe that. Look at you, Chekov, you're an academy graduate at seventeen and you're serving on a flagship. That's gotta be worth something"

" I suppose…" Chekov suddenly smiled, his eyes lighting up "Zank you captain"

"That's what I'm here for Pavel." Jim chinked his glass against the Russians' "to proving life wrong"

"Amen to zhat" Chekov enthused, downing his glass at the same time as Kirk, before getting up from the table "Vell, it has been good to talk captain, but I have to go. I'm on Gamma shift next"

"Ok, Chekov. See you later" Kirk paused, before calling after the ensign "Oh, and Chekov?"

The Russian looked back from near the door "Aye, sir?"

"If I were you, I wouldn't worry about that yeoman Sulu's out with. If she's the same one as I'm thinking of, then it won't be lasting very long"

The last thing Kirk saw as Chekov walked out was a small contented smile.

**Bones**

"Right, kid" Bones announced, turning his tricorder off "You can put your top back on, that's your examination over"

"Dr McCoy?" Chekov asked, pulling his top on hurriedly to cover his bare chest "Can I ask you a question?"

Bones turned round to survey the Russian "It seems you're going to anyway." He sighed "What is it then?"

Chekov coughed, embarrassed "I... I mean… ze zhing is…"

"Spit it out, Mr Chekov. I've got more important things to be getting on with"

Chekov straightened, breathing out deeply "Dr McCoy. I would like to ask someone out to dinner…but I…. I do no know how to go about it. I vas vondering…. Well if you could…possibly give me some advice"

Bones tried not to give a small smile at the seventeen year old. The kid seemed to be finally exhibiting some signs of his age. "This some hapless female you have your eye on, then?"

Chekov seemed to stumble with his words, mumbling as his cheeks flushed pink "Vell…. Not exactly"

"Oh?" McCoy raised an eyebrow "What do you mean 'not exactly'?"

"Zhey are not…exactly a female"

Bones shrugged "Each to his own. Didn't know you swung that way, kid"

"I do not," Chekov, said, and the forcefulness of which he said it was more then enough to convince Bones "Eet is just this one man, no others"

Bones smiled encouragingly at the kid. It seemed that he was uncomfortable at admitting he fancied a member of the same sex "S'ok, kid. I was under the impression that nearly everyone's bi in this century. Does he know you like him?"

"No" Chekov looked downcast "I do not even think zhey see me in zhat way, but I…. I need to know. But I do not know how to ask. I am not good with zis romance stuff "

"There isn't anything to it, Pavel" Bones calmed him "Just ask him casually, and if he isn't interested then you know"

"But vhat if he says yes?"

Bones grinned "Then you better scrub up smart and bring some flowers" He cast an eye at his watch "Sorry kid. Gotta finish some performance evaluations. The captain wants them by Delta shift"

"But vhat should I do about ze flowers?" Chekov asked worriedly as Bones herded him out of his office

"That I'm afraid," Bones said "Is something you're gong to need to ask a woman"

**Uhura**

"Come in" Uhura said as the bleep of the door comms sounded. She heard the door slide open and looked around to see Chekov walk in "Oh Hello Pavel. What can I do for you?"

Chekov wasn't as nervous in asking Uhura for help. She already knew about his feelings for Sulu and both he and the xenolinguist were quite close as friends.

"Nyota, I wonder if you could help me"

"What with?" Uhura asked, putting down the PADD she'd been holding and looking at Chekov seriously

"I asked Sulu out to dinner"

"That's great!" Uhura grinned, but Chekov interrupted

"But I do not know vhat to do now! I have newer been on a date. Dr McCoy suggested flowers and Hikaru loves flowers, but I do not know which ones to get and I do not know vhere to take him as neither of us have shore leave and …"

"Calm down, Pavel" Uhura said, breaking Chekov off from his hundred mile an hour panic "first things first; you need a place to eat, yes?"

Chekov nodded "ze rec-room can be wery crowded, and I would like it to be quiet…and…."

"Romantic" Uhura finished the sentence, saying the word Chekov seemed too self-conscious to "OK. What you need to do is go to the barman in ten-forward and ask for a quiet table. Tell him I sent you, he'll know which table I mean; I take Spock there all the time. He'll give you a table in the corner with candles and I promise you won't be disturbed."

"But vhat about ze flowers?" Chekov asked, "Hikaru loves botany and I want to get him something he vill like"

Uhura smiled "I know a thing or two about flowers. My mother was quite a botanist. If you want to get him some nice flowers, ask for some Voxtralian Roses from the phytosocialogy and dendrology labs down on deck ten. They should be able to help you find some."

"Zank you Nyota" Chekov smiled back, relief sweeping across his face "you have been wery helpful"

"That's what friends are for Pavel" Nyota laughed, as Chekov turned to leave "and don't forger to dress nicely!" she called after the Russian, the smile never leaving her face.

**Sulu**

Chekov pushed his lips up against Sulu's, feeling the other man follow suit. It was like kissing a fantasy, the taste of toothpaste and cinnamon on his tongue and a smell of Starfleet detergent and something else the Russian couldn't quite name that was just uniquely Sulu. They broke off for breath after a few moments, Sulu grinning and his large brown eyes shining with a laugh.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that," he panted, and Chekov grinned back.

"Same here"

Sulu wrapped his arms around Chekov's waist, holding the young man close, and whispering in his ear "I think I'm in love with you, Pavel"

Chekov's grin couldn't have gotten any wider as he looked into Sulu's eyes, wondering why the hell he hadn't done this sooner "I _know _I'm in love with you Hikaru"

The helmsman laughed and captured Chekov's lips in a kiss again, watching the Russian close his eyes and surrender himself to the sudden onslaught of emotion.

"I think I need to properly thank you for the wonderful meal" Sulu said, his hands moving from Chekov's waist, running under his shirt and up over his chest, moving to take Chekov's shirt off. Although the Russian had no problem with what he knew would inevitably end up happening- god, he'd wanted it long enough- he broke off the kiss, his eyes suddenly worried.

"Wait" he whispered and Sulu stopped, looking at Chekov as though silently asking him if this was what he wanted. Chekov nodded back, then paused, before voicing the thought on his mind. "What do I do?" It was a small question on Chekov's part, borne out of a million insecurities, and it seemed so innocent and naive that Sulu smiled, kissing Chekov gently again to try and calm his nerves.

"Just do what you feel is right, Pavel" Sulu whispered, and Chekov grinned again, the worries banished from his mind, pressing his lips and body back up against Sulu's and allowing the other mans hands to continue up his chest, his mind only on this moment. This is one piece of advice Chekov intended to take and as Sulu's lips began to trail down his throat, the only thought on the Russian's mind was that he wanted this to last forever.


End file.
